Category Archives: Other Things

Friday Morning Humor

A police officer in Penticton stops at a local ranch to talk with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher says, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The Police officer verbally  explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the  Federal Government with me.”
Reaching into his rear  pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge old man? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish… On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”
The  rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his  chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears  loud screams and sees the Police officer running for his  life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis  bull……

With every step the bull is  gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he”he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is  clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to  the fence and yells at the top of his  lungs……

“Your badge!…… Show him your Darn BADGE!”

bull

Little Humor For A Cool Rainy Holiday Weekend

Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A.

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
“Hallo, President Obama ” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger’s Cove , Newfoundland , Canada , he? I am callin’ to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!”
“Well Archie,” Barack replied, “This is indeed important news !
How big is your army ?”
“Right now,” said Archie, after a moments calculation “there is myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!”
Barack paused. “I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”
“Wow,” said Archie. “I’ll have at call ya back!”
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. ” Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be Archie?” Barack asked.
“Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry ‘s farm tractor.”
President Obama sighed. “I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I’ve increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke.”
“Lord above”, said Archie, “I’ll be getting back to ya.”
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. ” President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an’ modified Harrigan’s ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!”
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. “I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”
“Jumpins,” said Archie, “l’ll have at call youse back.”
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. ” President Obama ! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis ‘ere war.”
“I’m sorry to hear that” said Barack . “Why the sudden change of heart?”
Well, sir,” said Archie, “we’ve all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere’s no way we can feed two million prisoners..”

Good O Farm Poem That Brings Back Memories

The 30-some years of milking cows

Are drawing to an end

With many mixed emotions

Parting with these old friends.

The milk checks kept us going

They certainly paid the way

But with machinery wearing out

There’s breakdowns every day.

One learns a whole new vocabulary

When one milks cows twice a day

‘Cause when they kick you more than once

I swear you’ll make them pay.

No more feed bills for these critters

No more cleaning supplies to buy

A whole new lifestyle awaits us

This change won’t make me cry.

Wintertime brought frozen pipes

Ice and snow brought pain

Summertime, we fought the flies

With ankle-deep mud from all the rain.

If ever I get melancholy

I’ll think about the worst

Then I’ll check my finances

With very little in my purse.

Farming’s been a good life

But it will be a great relief

Not having to milk those doggone cows

Seven days a week!

Humor For a Holiday Monday

Every So often I come upon a good comic strip that makes me laugh.  Take a look.  Click Picture To Enlarge.

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Defining Calories:

I know everyone has a problem every so often eating things they shouldn’t.   I now have figured out why and what these extra calories really are.


Calories are the little sons a guns that get into your wardrobe at night and
sew your clothes tighter!

Little Humor For A Warm Summers Day



THE OUTHOUSE POEM

The service station trade was slow
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.

“Where is the ladies restroom, sir?”
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three gals before.

She missed the foot log – jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.

She tripped and fell – got up, and then
In obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he’d devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.

He’d wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough,
To speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
“Will you please use the other hole,
We’re painting under here!”

Good Laugh For A Rainy Day Here In Port Loring

You know if there is one feller I like a lot it would be this feller.  Click Picture To Enlarge.  Had to let you read this one. got me to laughing.  Enjoy.

Garfield

Oldtimers Cell Phone

Now when it comes to Cell Phones us older folks have kind of frowned with owning one.  Well times has changed now and I suppose I should move up with the times. So……………………….here ya go, a Cell phone with all the extras for us old timers.   To bad they couldn’t come up with one that has a hand ringer, like….. one long and two short LOL.   Click on picture to enlarge

part1

Are You A True Canadian??

I like this one so figured would share.  Everyone needs  a chuckle once in awhile.

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canadians:

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
September through May,
You may live in Canada.

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don’t work there,
You may live in Canada.

If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada.

If you’ve had a lengthy  telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,
You may live in Canada.

If ‘Vacation’ means going anywhere
South of Detroit for the weekend,
You may live in Canada.

If you measure distance in hours,
You may live in Canada.

If you know several people
Who have hit a deer more than once,
You may live in Canada.

If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’
In the same day and back again,
You may live in Canada.

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow
During a raging blizzard without flinching,
You may live in Canada.

If you install security lights on your house and garage,
But leave both unlocked,
You may live in  Canada.

If you carry jumper cables in your car
And your wife knows how to use them,
You may live in Canada.

If you design your kid’s Halloween costume
To fit over a snowsuit,
You may live in Canada.

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km —
You’re going 95 and everybody is passing you,
You may live in Canada.

If driving is better in the winter
Because the potholes are filled with snow,
You may live in Canada.

If you know all 4 seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter,
and road construction,
You may live in Canada.

(this is my favourite, because how true)

If you have more  miles
On your snow blower than your car,
You may live in Canada.

If you  find -2 degrees ‘a little chilly’,
You may live in Canada.

Happy Mothers Day

Well old man winter made another appearance this year, but not as bad as what we were suppose to get.  So happy about that.  The pictures were taken from my front door yesterday around three in the afternoon.  Today we are back to green grass…. with flowers blooming in our gardens. And to all them Mothers out there, I hope you have a great day.  Thinking of you all. Click Pictures To Enlarge a Touch.

img-1img-2img-3 Continue reading Happy Mothers Day

Bit Of Saturday Humor Through A Picture

Now I don’t know about you folks, but take a look at this fellows set up for taking a shower, saving electricity and not having to do much physical work turning the light on.   I would have to say it is a pretty good idea other than  the safety factor here.   I also would like to mention, which I am sure you are aware of, right? That not to try it yourself, for numerous reasons.  But hey it takes all kinds to make this old world and this picture does show you that.  At any rate, a little humour for a Saturday morning.. Click On Picture To Enlarge.

ATT00010

Working Away Here In Port Loring

Well so much going on these days with the preparation of our new book just haven’t had time to get on here at the Blog to do any posting.  Oh well such is that, there is lots to read on here as it is though.  But in the coming days I will try and get back to my answering of some folks questions.  Snowing hard here today but can’t complain as I haven’t had to take out my snow blower yet this winter.  Now that is something for this country.

A Bit On The Meaning Of Life From My Friend Grey Wolf

I remember one day years ago, summer time to be exact, that I was sitting with my very good friend Grey Wolf.  We got to talking about life and I asked him what he thought was the most important thing about living, along with the most hardest.   Well after a bit of sitting and not saying anything he looked up and said.  “George, for myself I had to come to the realisation that my life is entirely my own and no one else’s. In other words, I have to learn to take responsibilities for all the things I choose to do in life and if some don’t work out, so be it and I have to then learn to be able to take the consequences of those choices.”  He then went on to say that, “you know George, I honestly believe there are no spirits or gods to call on for help, in the real world, you have to deal with these things all on your own.  It’s up to you to deal with your life and yours alone. You also have to come to an understanding that this life you got now is the only life you will ever have and it’s now or never, you don’t get a second chance where your losses are made up for. Once your day is done here on this earth there is no after life as you now know it.  Bottom line is George, it’s now or never so my advice is to make the most of each day and live it.  Once these things are accepted nothing or no one will be able to hold you back from your venture through life.”  “Grey Wolfs Feelings On Life

I can honestly say that I built my life around them few words and looking back, I can’t see any flaws anywhere.

Native American Horoscope

Figured I would let you find your Animal Guide I like to call them.  You have probably  have had feelings toward different critters through out your life and have wondered why.  Here is the answer.

January 20 to February 18

(Aquarius)

Otter, Magpie

Otters are playful, prophetic animals. Otter people are creative, and logical. They have high ideals and tend to seek more from others than is reasonable. They seek the truth above all else.

February 19 to March 20

(Pisces)

Wolf, Cougar, Whale

The wolf is graceful, has initiative, and loves freedom. Wolf people are generally very trusting, and generous with deep feelings towards their loved ones. Their ultimate goal is to find and keep love in their life.

March 21 to April 19

(Aries)

Hawk, Falcon Wolf

The hawk is a messenger of insight, adaptability and openness. Hawk people aim to initiate and lead, and may be impulsive from time to time. They want to establish individuality while still being accepted by the group.

April 20 to May 20

(Taurus)

Elk, Beaver

The elk is a strong, handsome and proud animal who can be aggressive if challenged. The beaver is an industrious builder with unlimited patience. Elk people are very industrious and find security through possession. They are eager to discover and possess something which has lasting value.

May 21 to June 20

(Gemini)

Eagle, Deer

The eagle can see extraordinarily well, is very strong willed, and graceful. Eagle people are great observers, have great intuition and creativity. They try to bring things together and better them through creative actions.

June 21 to July 21

(Cancer)

Salmon, Woodpecker, Flicker

Salmon strive to return home after a long journey. Salmon people are home-loving, giving and sensitive. They are also very imaginative and sometimes moody. Their goal in life is to live in harmony with the environment.

July 22 to August 22

(Leo)

Cougar, Salmon, Sturgeon

The cougar is swift, graceful, spontaneous, and determined. Cougar people make great leaders and are courageous, ambitious and determined to succeed. They want to find purpose in life and to dominate what they do best.

August 23 to September 21

(Virgo)

Owl, Bear

Owls are very observant and sensible. Owl people are intelligent, well spoken and discreet. Their eye for detail often makes them perfectionist. They must cultivate tolerance and optimism.

September 22 to October 22

(Libra)

Raven, Crow, Dove

The raven is intelligent, cleaver and mystical. Raven people are peace loving, idealistic and charming. They long for harmony in the community and must stay away from uncertainty and inconsistency.

October 23 to November 22

(Scorpio)

Snake, Eel

The snake is mysterious, intuitive and is the epitome of transformation. Snake people aim for satisfaction and thrive on praise. They require great self-discipline and will power to control their harsh natures.

November 23 to December 21

(Sagittarius)

Horse, Owl, Elk

The horse is a wise and strong animal which possesses great stamina. Horse people are determined, sincere and understanding. They are also inquisitive, generous and trustworthy.

December 22 to January 19

(Capricorn)

Bear, Goose

Bears are quiet, swift and very protective of their family. Bear people are cautious, independent and hardworking. They adapt well to new situations and value tradition over technology.

Canadian Broadband Blasted By Harvard. Good Article

Here is a real good article pertaining to our Internet here in Canada.  Take a look.

Just click the link below.

CBC News – Technology & Science – Canadian broadband blasted by Harvard study

Sending Messages From One Person’s Brain To Another Many Miles Away

Here is a pretty good look at how far we have come using the Internet. Unbeliveable how far we have come in, well lets say fifty years. Is this a good thing?? Well I would have to say it has its place. Just click the link below.

Scientists hail a thoughtful future with ‘brain-to-brain

To the guy who tried to mug my girlfriend and me last night.

Now here is a fellow after my own heart, makes my day when I hear about guys like this.   Take a look, figured it would give you an insight on how I feel about things, as I think this fellow did exactly what I would have done if the laws were the same as the good old US of A.  Talk Soon.

To the guy who tried to mug me in down town the night before last.

Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A. M. EST.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry Jacket that you demanded that I

hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening our lives…
You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings.
I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after

you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, but I was wearing the jacket

for a reason.
My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for

my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously, you agree that it was a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your

head wasn’t it?
I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from bare

footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That

prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell,

I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled

up my gas tank as well as four other people’s in the gas station on your

credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was

extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with

all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked

at the curb… after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the

entire driver’s side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.
Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for

a little over a day now, so what’s going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office

and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while

he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you…but I feel this type

of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime.

I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing

issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and

perhaps reconsider the career path you’ve chosen to pursue in life.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

My Kind Of Guy.

I gotta’ tell ya.  I couldn’t have said it any better myself and makes me smile when folks have the gumption to tell it like it is.   Take A Look.

Right on, Andy Rooney!

Andy Rooney said on ’60 Minutes’ a few weeks back:

I don’t think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens…Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I have the right ‘NOT’ to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American/Canadian/British citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn’t die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot or arrest you if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can’t understand the word ‘freeze’ or ‘stop’ in English, see the above lines.

I don’t think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special National Assistance, loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, corner store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

I don’t hate the rich I don’t pity the poor

I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn’t stop you from watching them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that’s better, and put your name on the building.

It doesn’t take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say ‘NO!’

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don’t pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don’t want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

I am sick of ‘Political Correctness.’ I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in  Africa  ; so how can they be ‘African-Americans/Canadian/British’? Besides,  Africa  is a continent.. I don’t go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe  . I am proud to be from America  and nowhere else

And if you don’t like my point of view, tough…

Food For Thought, Item

Had a feller the other day, 90 years old drop by, as he just loves my column and blog.  We got to talking about the education system.  The way he figures it, is that the Powers That Be today isn’t really interested in the education system at all  Well, should say they are, but only in certain ways.  He figures, they want you to learn, so you can get a job and pay tax, that’s a definite.  But they don’t want you to think, as if that happened, you would then know what is going on in this world of ours as most folks have blinders on.  You know, after giving that some thought, I am inclined to agree with him.  Food For Thought, you might say.

Michael Geist – Government Introduces Bill To Require Surveillance

You know, for a long time now I have spoken out how the Powers That Be keep on trying, and in fact do force folks into things that they think is right, not ever giving our thoughts a bit of attention.  Just the other day, my son brought to my attention how our Government is now trying to bring a new law into effect about them legally  Eavesdropping on folks that go to different web sites on the Internet.  First off, they have no right in watching what or when I am on the net.  I know, they say they can cut down on crime if this law is brought into effect, but I say it wouldn’t help one bit, as if this was to happen folks would find another way to find out things.  Folks, the Internet is a vast wealth of information, free to the public at any given time of the day.  A place, where folks can chat to one another and learn.  If we allow the government now or any other power in the future, to bring this into being, we will then loose our last small piece of privacy.  It all boils down to this.  The Powers That Be, “don’t” want us to know or learn anything, that they haven’t control of, simple as that.  I sure don’t want to live in a place that only lets me see what they say is right, good, wrong or what ever.  I am a big boy now, and I don’t need any “Young Tender Foot,” that thinks they know it all, tell me what to do, or when to do it, or what I should be reading, watching,  or’………………………..what ever.   There is web site out there that explains it to a tee, exactly what they are trying to do.  This fellow is a  very wise person and it sure wouldn’t hurt to take a look and see for yourself what is going on.  My Opinion Only.

Here is the link, just click on it and your on your way.

Michael Geist – Government Introduces Bill To Require Surveillance