Humor, Gotta’ Love It

The question is:

What Do Retired People Do All Day?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days
interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.

We were only in there for about 5 minutes.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, ‘Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?’

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi Turn Coat. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So my wife called him a misserable old bugger.  He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.  Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes.  The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn’t care.  We came into town by bus.  We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired.  It’s important at our age.

Humor, Pretty Good Too

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well.   Hope you are.

Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch  by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled up.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things.  No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water and nice soap.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food,  plus yours,  holds you until noon   when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on ‘route marches,’ which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us   If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different.  A ‘route march’ is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The Sargent is like a school teacher. He nags a lot.

The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.

I keep getting medals for shooting.   I don’t know why.

The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home.  All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.  You don’t even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training.  You get to wrestle with them city boys.  I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.  It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home.  I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver   Lake .  I only beat him once..  He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6′ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8′ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

Good Old Butter

There seems to be a lot of question about which healthy spreads should be used to replace butter. Since the word is finally spreading about the harmful nature of trans fat, margarine has been officially declared as a substance which should be avoided. Of course, in its place have rushed countless other butter alternatives which do not contain hydrogenated fats. But now that refined vegetable oils, additives and preservatives are coming under fire, it leaves the question what in the world can we spread on our toast? The answer is simple and natural: go back to butter.