Monday Morning Humor

Patrol Officer Meets His Match

A patrol officer pulled over Jill for speeding.  Jill was a 65 year old lady from out of state.
The officer asked to see her licence.
‘Don’t have one’ Jill said.

‘Can I please see the Vehicle registration’ the officer asked firmly but politely.
‘Nope’ snapped Jill.
In that case I will have to take you into the Police station and charge you there.  When they arrived the arresting officer said, to the duty sergeant.  This lady has no licence and no vehicle registration.
‘Sure I do’ said Jill sweetly.  This officer has got it in for me, the next thing is he will be saying is that I was speeding.

Help For Cholesterol & High Blood Pressure

Blueberries, Garlic, & Apples – These three foods are tasty and can be easily combined with many other foods in home-made recipes. Garlic and Blueberries lower blood pressure and cholesterol. The fiber pectin in apples decrease the amount of cholesterol produced in the liver. Using these ingredients in your meals can make a healthy impact on your cholesterol and lower blood pressure.

So……….just one more reason to start eating right and get out there in the garden this spring.

Chemotherapy Is A Barbaric Form Of Medicine

Chemotherapy is a barbaric form of medicine, and new research is showing that even when it is called a “success” by western doctors, it is destroying patients’ future health by severely compromising their immune systems. How? By causing massive DNA damage that greatly multiplies patients’ risk of being diagnosed with leukemia and other diseases later in life.

Naturopaths and even many western doctors have long questioned the wisdom of chemotherapy. It’s a highly toxic procedure that, believe it or not, doesn’t have a shred of scientific evidence to back its use. Chemotherapy hasn’t been proven to increase the lifespan of leukemia patients at all. Its only measurable result is to shrink tumors and alter blood chemistry markers in ways that doctors label a “success,” but in terms of real lifespan and quality of life, chemotherapy does nothing.There are far better ways to fight leukemia and cancer than by turning to chemotherapy, radiation or other radical treatments. Even if a patient gets so hoodwinked by their doctor that they choose to undergo the toxic procedure, they’ll greatly minimize their DNA damage by turning to nature and consuming large quantities of chlorella and other superfoods before the procedure. In previous studies described in Superfoods for Optimum Health, patients who ate chlorella before undergoing chemotherapy not only showed the lowest side effects from the treatment, they also went on to survive longer than other patients — much longer. Oncologists were stunned!

Old Fashioned Fish Chowder


2 tb Vegetable oil
2 md Onions; minced
2 lg Baking potatoes; cubed
1/2 ts Dried thyme
1/2 c Turkey, fish or vegetable stock
1 lb Cod or haddock fillet
4 c Milk
1/2 ts Salt
Pepper; fresh ground
Paprika for garnish

Heat the vegetable oil in a large, heavy saucepan over low heat. Add the onions and saute for 10 minutes, or until golden but not brown. Add the baking potatoes (cut into 1/4-inch cubes), the dried thyme and the turkey stock. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes, or until the potatoes are tender.

Add the cod or haddock fillet, cover and simmer gently for 10 minutes. Add the milk, salt and black pepper to taste. Cover and simmer 5 minutes, or until the mixture is thoroughly hot. Gently flake the fish with a fork into bite-sized pieces, then ladle the chowder into soup bowls. Sprinkle with paprika and serve immediately. Makes 6 servings.

Old Fashioned Butterscotch Candy


2 c Sugar
1/4 c Light corn syrup
1/2 c Butter (1 stick) (use real butter only)
2 tb Water
2 tb Vinegar

Combine all ingredients in 2 qt. heavy saucepan. Stir and cook over medium heat until sugar is dissolved, then reduce heat and cook at a medium boil, stirring as needed to control foaming to avoid sticking as mixture thickens. If sugar crystals form on sides of pan, wipe them off. Cook to the hard crack stage (300 degrees). Remove from heat and let stand 1 minute.

Meanwhile, butter 2 sheets of aluminum foil and place on 2 baking sheets. Quickly drop teaspoonfuls of butterscotch onto foil, making patties about 1″ in diameter. Space them 1/2″ apart. If candy thickens so that it will not drop easily, set pan in hot water until it is again workable. Makes about 6 dozen patties or 1-1/4 pounds of butterscotch.

China Crazy Talk In My Eyes

Now here is a statement that is right out to lunch.  First off through my eyes we shouldn’t be doing the trading we are doing with China.  Just look at our economy now.  If you think dealing with them over seas is going to help us get out of this recession you are mistaken. What we need to be doing is looking after ourselves an our closest neighbour.  When the chips are down it isn’t going to be folks overseas that helps us out. Let me tell you that.  Take a look at this article. Crazy thinking for sure. My opinion only.

Everyone has the same message: when will Ottawa cease bungling the China file and build Canada’s relationship with the world’s fastest growing economy, a rising power and Canada’s second largest trade partner – a country Stephen Harper has yet to visit since becoming prime minister in February 2006?   I would also like to know who he means by everyone, sure never asked me or anyone I know.  Kind of a laugh really.

Obama Says Reconciliation With Taliban

This sounds nice in writing but I can pretty well tell ya it will never happen.  Not over there in that country.  My opinion only.

President Barack Obama is holding out hope that U.S. forces in Afghanistan can peel away elements of the Taliban and possibly move them toward reconciliation. We or anyone else shouldn’t be over there anyways.  Hundreds of good men and women from Canada and USA gone forever.

Stolen Chicken

Take notice of the name on the bags they were put in to sell to folks.  Kind of makes you think Huh

Police are warning consumers to check their chicken after a shipment of the meat was stolen, repackaged and sold to unsuspecting customers.

A tractor-trailer with a large quantity of pre-packaged boneless, skinless chicken breasts was stolen near Paris, Ont. on Wednesday. The next day, police found the stolen chicken in an industrial building near Kipling Ave. and Rexdale Boulevard.

They discovered the meat had been opened and re-packed for sale in large plastic bags.

Although police didn’t specify where the chicken was found, they said the building wasn’t designed for meat processing.

Police don’t know whether the chicken was properly refrigerated or sanitarily packaged, meaning the meat could be unsafe to eat.

The chicken was sold with a label reading “Boneless Chicken Breast Meat” and “Wing Zhing Trading Ltd.”

Police are asking anyone who bought it to throw it away and contact them at 416-808-2373.

Greyhound Bus Killer

You know here is a fellow that went out and killed another human being in cold blood. Now with a good lawyer and the medical profession behind him this fellow is only going to jail.  I gotta’ tell ya, I sure don’t have much use for our justice system the way it is being run today.  I would love to tell ya what I think should be done with him. But I won’t as I think you all know.   My Opinion Only

Vince Li, who this week was found not criminally responsible for the beheading of a fellow Greyhound bus passenger in Manitoba last summer, will not be walking free any time soon, says an expert on issues involving mental illness.  Won’t be walking around any time too soon. What the heck is that for a statement.  I don’t know where this world is headed.

Unions Say No Pay Cuts. Kind Of Makes You Think HUH?

General Motors is struggling to survive, Chrysler has eliminated a shift in Windsor, yet the Canadian Auto Workers (CAW) executive says that it can’t make wage concessions?

Some CAW members get 10 weeks paid vacation, family law legal fees, fully funded pensions and a good wage. Yet these people expect other Canadians to underwrite the “largest unsecured loan in Canadian history.” The federal government is not in the business of saving businesses, nor is the Canadian taxpayer.

The car industry –as it exists now — in Canada is dead. If automakers and their unions are willing to make the industry viable, they can. But don’t expect other Canadians to keep propping up a failed industry.  I say if they don’t want to help themselves why should we.  Simple as that.  My Opinion Only

Broccli

Just one more reason to get to growing your own garden come spring. Which by the way isn’t to far off. Also look for my new gardening book comiing out April 2nd 2009   not far off either.

If you don’t already eat broccoli regularly, you could be putting your ability to breathe easily at risk. The reason? Research by University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA) scientists concludes sulforaphane, a natural compound found in broccoli and other cruciferous vegetables (like Brussels sprouts and cauliflower), appears to protect against respiratory inflammation that causes asthma, allergic rhinitis, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and other conditions that make it hard to breathe.

The Battle Against Big Pharmaceuticals

Well they have had their way for a good number of years and now it’s time they get what they deserve in some cases.  I also believe though that one should make sure they know what they are putting into their body before they do it.  Do the research before taking the steps, my old Dad used to say. My Opinion Only

In a 6-3 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled against Wyeth in the Diana Levine case, setting a crucial precedent in the battle against Big Pharmaceuticals. The ruling ends an important part of the Big Pharma / FDA conspiracy racket that sought to market extremely dangerous (and even deadly) drugs while providing full legal immunity to drug companies, even when those companies actively lied about the safety of their drugs by hiding negative drug studies from the public and the FDA.

The decision has hit Big Pharma hard. The industry, already reeling from layoffs and a loss of innovation, is now facing a wave of lawsuits from potentially hundreds of thousands of people who have been harmed by dangerous prescription medications. The legal path for such lawsuits has now been cleared, and drug companies can no longer claim legal immunity just because they managed to deceive the FDA into declaring their dangerous chemicals were “approved.”

Over Prescribing Antibiotics

For years medical doctors prescribed antibiotics for almost everything and anything when it came to infections.  Overuse of these antibiotics has resulted in “super bugs” – bacteria that is becoming increasingly resistant to antibiotics. Serious consequences can result from this resistance; stronger antibiotics are being discovered but eventually bacteria will become resistant to those as well. On a personal health level, antibiotics result in gastrointestinal changes because along with killing off bad bacteria they also kill of the good bacteria necessary for digestion. Destroying the bacteria also increases the chance for even more infections. To help restore the bacteria in ones stomach I highly recommend you take Acidophilus & Bifidus each tablet containing 6 billion live cells.  Actually I am on it now and it has helped me immensely. I take one capsule with each meal. My Opinion Only

Exrays And Why To Stay Away From Them

Scary stuff for sure.  I know for one I am not going for exrays just for the sake of it. Just wished I didn’t go in for the ones I have had so far.  Got talked into them and the trouble is not one of them did one thing to help me.  Take A Look at this article Might save you some grief in the future.

A new report released by the National Council on Radiation Protection and Measurement reveals that Americans’ exposure to radiation has increased more than 600 percent over the last three decades. Most of that increase has come from patients’ exposure to radiation through medical imaging scans such as CT scans and mammograms.

Most patients have no awareness of the dangers of ionizing radiation due to medical imaging scans. Virtually no patients — and few doctors — realize that one CT scan exposes the body to the equivalent of several hundred X-rays (http://www.naturalnews.com/023582.html), for example. Most women undergoing mammograms have no idea that the radiation emitted by mammography machines actually causes cancer by exposing heart and breast tissue to dangerous ionizing radiation that directly causes DNA damage.

Even low doses of radiation can add up to significant increases in lifelong cancer risk. A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine (2007) found that survivors of the 1945 atomic bombs unleashed on Japan during World War II still faced significant increases in lifetime cancer risk. And the levels of radiation to which these particular study subjects were exposed is equivalent to receiving only two or three CT scans, explains an ABC News story (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Cancer…).

Yes, it’s true: A couple of CT scans can expose your body to as much radiation as standing a few miles from an atomic bomb explosion. This is a simple scientific fact.

Herbal Medicine Works Again

I like it when this happens to folks.  Goes to prove that one just has to seek out help from Mother Nature, as she is just a waitin’ to help us.

64 year old Janet Hafner says she’s been off her diabetes medicine for nearly 6 months and she’s been controlling her high cholesterol through herbal medicines.
She says not only is it good for her pocketbook but her overall health.
Hafner says,  “To be able to control it better and to know I am not going to have to increase medications and add more medications and eventually go on insulin.”

Banker Humor

A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.

As he was looking at himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, “Didn’t you tell me you were a banker?”

The young man answered, “Yes, I did.”

To this the tailor said, “Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?”

Humor, I Got To Remember This One When I Go For A Trip

A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says “I’ve got a Rolls Royce — keep it until the loan is paid off — here are the keys.” The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank’s underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000.

Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, “Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?”

The man answers, “I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?”

Welcome to my little corner of the countryside, where storytelling meets the everyday joys of woodworking, farming, and gardening. I’m GW, a writer and published author with over thirty years of experience.